


Nova

by Ange_de_la_Mort



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fix-It, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-15
Updated: 2018-08-15
Packaged: 2019-06-27 21:52:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15694089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ange_de_la_Mort/pseuds/Ange_de_la_Mort
Summary: Season 7 AU: The Galra have been defeated and Voltron will leave again to assume its place in defending the universe. Adam and Shiro share some secret moments during the night before the big goodbyes.





	Nova

"Adam?"  
  
He doesn't shout his name, his voice isn't much louder than usual, and yet it seems to him that the sound is echoing through the hangar, the large, wide room that temporarily houses the lions. It's a strange and makeshift shelter, for they have to share it with the planes and the other vehicles that rest here until they are needed to defend earth once more (the hangar wasn't _this_ empty before the Galra attack, but Shiro doesn't want to think of what that means, doesn't want to remember that most of the ships and their pilots have never managed to return home, doesn't want to imagine that this could have been _his_ fate, or worse, the fate of all the people he knows and loves). Between all the earth vehicles, the lions seem out of place, almost as if they've sprung right out of a comic, out of one of the video games that Lance always wastes so much time with.  
  
His voice is no louder than usual, and yet Adam flinches. When he turns around with a contrite smile on his face and that almost repenting expression in his eyes, he appears to be so much younger than they both actually are. For a moment, it almost feels like back then when they had freshly entered the Garrison. Two stupid teenagers whose hearts were still filled with dreams and love and hope.  
  
... well. They might still be stupid, even after all these years.  
  
"What are you doing here?"  
  
"I ..." Adam sighs and looks aside for a second, then raises his arms in a gesture that Shiro isn't sure how to read. He looks like he's been caught with his hands in the cookie jar, but at the same time so tired of life in general. It seems like he wants to ask _Who gives a damn?_ and _Why do you of all people even care?_ , and Shiro cannot remember ever having seen him be that way. But then again, Adam has had a lot of time to change.  
  
They both have.  
  
His eyes flicker over Shiro's face, then back to an undetermined point just above Shiro's right ear. He shrugs and tries to appear so very casual and nonchalant that Shiro would have needed to be a blind fool in order to not see through it, to not get that Adam wants to be anywhere but here. Anywhere but close to Shiro.  
  
Wow. That's a thought that catches him by surprise. But even more surprising is the pain that accompanies it, a quick stab of hurt, almost as if he's tearing off a band-aid from a wound that never had the chance to fully heal.  
  
Adam sighs again. "I ... wanted to check it out." At Shiro's questioning look Adam pulls his lips upwards a little, just a slight twitch of the corners of his mouth. Slowly, he raises his hand and points to the back of the hangar, where the Black Lion sleeps quietly and deeply; where it will rest until Shiro needs its help again. "You guys come here with a couple of spaceships and some fancy alien equipment and you really don't think people would be curious?” His smile grows wider. It's almost real, or at least he's almost managing to fake an almost real smile, a boyish grin like the ones Shiro fell in love with all those years ago. "Hey, while we're at _that_ topic ... how do the controls work, anyway? You know, I'm just asking so I can _prevent_ people from stealing your mecha!”  
  
Years ago, Shiro would have laughed. He would have shaken his head and gently punched his shoulder (he wouldn't have done any lasting damage years ago, today he could break Adam's bones if he wasn't careful. Or if he wanted to. He thinks – hopes – he doesn't want to), would have been cracking stupid jokes with him together.  
  
Today it's hard.  
  
A small part of him thinks it's only natural that Adam wants to see the alien technology. Nothing more. Not him. Especially not him. Another, slightly larger part of him thinks that Adam has always been a bad liar. A good person who wears his heart on his sleeve and whose thoughts and feelings are reflected in his eyes.  
  
Maybe that's the reason why Adam doesn't look at him. Or maybe Shiro is imagining things and Adam just doesn't want to make this embarrassing situation any worse. It's awkward enough to face your own ex, but to face your own ex in the middle of the night when you secretly sneak into the Garrison's hangar to drool over the new, cool vehicle that the ex has scored as his own after all those years? That's something Lance would call super awkward.  
  
Still, Shiro can't help but force a smile onto his lips, one that he hopes will somehow actually manage to boost his mood. They had argued the last time they'd seen each other. They don't have to argue today. "Too bad," he says and puts his new arm on his hip. "It only listens to my commands."  
  
Adam huffs softly, and when his eyes try to find Shiro's, Shiro is overwhelmed by a wave of emotions that threatens to drown him; he sees the sadness in Adam's eyes, the pain and the joy.  
  
He sees a lot of feelings he didn't think would exist after all these years.  
  
"You've truly become something grand," Adam says quietly with a smile of his own. "I guess it really was worth the risk."  
  
"I guess."  
  
"And you ..." He trails off, swallows. Shiro can see him turn his eyes away before he forces himself to finally look at him. Only at him. At everything about him. At everything he has become. "You look good, too." The last word is hoarse and rough, and he presses his lips together as if to prevent himself from saying more.  
  
Shiro laughs. Because it's stupid. Because he is tired, drained by battle and almost dying all the time and really dying this one time, and, actually, he really is just tired of everything. He laughs because he has to stifle his first impulse; the one where he wants to ask Adam if, now, he sports enough muscle to defend himself on his own; without Adam having to feel obligated to fight, not alongside him, but for and instead of him. Whether he's strong enough now for Adam's conscience to be at ease. "Yeah, yeah, I guess, Except for the arm. And the scar. And the hair." He shrugs a little, tilts his head and raises his eyebrows. "And don't you think the armor makes my butt look big?"  
  
The puzzled expression in Adam's eyes makes him laugh again, loud and echoing in the large, almost empty hangar. The laughter bubbles over his lips before he can stop it, and he has to shake his head to shoo it away like a bothersome, brief burst of migraines. "Sorry," he says without meaning it. "Lance's bad humor is rubbing off on me."  
  
“The kid with the gun? Don't blame him, Takashi, your jokes have always been the worst."  
  
And yet Adam is smiling an honest smile now.  
  
And Shiro can't help but do the same. Then he grows serious again: "Adam, what are you really doing here? If you'd wanted to see Black, you could've just asked.”  
  
"I wanted to see _you._ "  
  
He almost expected this to hear, and yet it comes as a surprise, as a warm, familiar feeling that surrounds him like a hug.  
  
"I'd hoped ... I ..." Adam rolls his eyes about himself and wipes his hands on his uniform. "Listen, I know you guys are leaving again the morning. I had hoped I could just ... watch you leave. Be there when you go. This time.”  
  
"Adam," Shiro starts softly and then stops because he doesn't know how to put his mind and feelings into words.  
  
"I thought I could wait here. Sneak into the crowd when they were going to say goodbye. You wouldn't even have to acknowledge my presence." His hands are shaking and Adam quickly balls them into fists, lowers his gaze. Shiro thinks he sees tears in Adam's eyes. "We could have pretended I wasn't there and I wasn't still in love with you and the guilt hadn't been eating away at me ever since the day you left, and you could have lived your new life without ever being forced to see your annoying stupid ex again and I-"  
  
Here Adam snaps shut. Shiro can see his whole body tremble, a full-blown shiver that seems to shake him to his very core. Can see how he worries his lower lip between his teeth, like he's always done whenever words have wanted to stumble over his lips, words and thoughts and feelings that maybe should be left unsaid.  
  
Because the thing is: Adam is an open book. Someone who just keeps spouting nonsense if necessary, who openly expresses his thoughts with a brutal honesty to the point of hurting others. Most of the time he does that unknowingly ... most of the time. It's one of those little quirks of him that Shiro has first grown to love, then to hate. Now, it just confuses him.  
  
He'd love to hug him now. His brain remembers the touch; a hand at the small of his back, the other one cradling the back of his neck, brushing through his hair. His heart remembers the feeling of Adam burying his face in the crook of Shiro's neck.  
  
His body reacts.  
  
And before Adam can go on blaming himself, doubting himself, pretending that it was nothing more than his words back then that drove Shiro out of the security of their home into the unknown vastness of space – only his words and not Shiro's own will, not his curiosity and his desire to prove himself –, a big, metal hand lands on his back to roughly push him forward and straight into Shiro's arms (the sound Adam makes is almost funny, something born out of confusion, shock and indignation, an almost undignified shriek, something he only heard that one time when he found out - and mercilessly exploited - that Adam is ticklish).  
  
Adam freezes in the embrace like a deer caught in the headlights that doesn't know where to run, how to run and what running even is. So Shiro helps a little, puts his other hand, the left one, the one of flesh and bone, on the back of his neck. His fingertips brush over short hair. He finds himself quietly sighing with comfort.  
  
It takes a few seconds, five, six, ten, and Shiro already mentally wonders if he made a mistake, if they shouldn't be this close to each other anymore. Wonders if he's making Adam feel uncomfortable, either because of how they are locked together in an almost-embrace or because it's Shiro who is hugging him or because of the parts of Shiro that aren't what Adam once knew.  
  
But then Adam's body seems to remember as well, and the rigidity dissolves slowly. He relaxes in Shiro's embrace, slowly putting his arms around him, around his hips, his palms pressed against the small of Shiro's back, against his shoulder blades. As if pulled by invisible threads of memory, he buries his face in the crook of Shiro's neck.  
  
"I'm so sorry," he mumbles against Shiro's skin, hot breath ghosting over it making him shudder in the way that only Adam can. In the way that only Adam ever has been able to, ever will be able to.  
  
"I know."  
  
"I'm not ... I don't dare asking you to forgive me."  
  
Shiro takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, silently stroking Adam's hair. What's he supposed to say to that? That all is forgiven? That Adam did the right, healthy, sensible thing? That Shiro no longer has the strength to be angry with him?  
  
... maybe he should tell him that they were both stupid idiots, that they both made mistakes, but that they could always start over anew from the very beginning - or if not from the beginning, then at least from a point in time when they could still both sleep calmly and without the nagging feeling of guilt eating them alive.  
  
Adam misinterprets his silence. He is tensing up again. Shiro can feel his lips twist into a smile that he assumes to be ironic, full of anger at himself. "You'll be leaving again."  
  
"Yes," Shiro confirms. "In the morning."  
  
"Can I ... may I watch you take off? I'd want to be there. This time."  
  
For a moment, Shiro feels his throat grow tight and he forces himself to swallow around the lump of feelings that threaten to choke him. "Sure," he says, stroking Adam's hair to give his fingers something to do. "That'd be nice."  
  
It's quiet between them, for two or three long moments. Then Adam whispers, so quietly that Shiro hardly understands: "May I wait for you to come back again?"  
  
_I want you to come with me_ , he would like to say, but hastily presses his lips together. _I want you up there with me, so close to the very stars we always wanted to see together. I want you to stay here and be safe. I don't know what I want._ He doesn't say any of those things. Instead, he says: "I have no idea how long I'll be gone."  
  
"I have time."  
  
"Don't you ... don't you think you should move on?" Just saying the words is like being stabbed in the heart. But Adam doesn't deserve having to wait for him forever. They both know that it's dangerous. This time it cost him his arm. What will it be next time? Will he ever come back? Can he keep Adam waiting with a clear conscience for ever and ever?  
  
Can he allow Adam to endure the news of his death again?  
  
"I don't want to move on." It sounds defiant, the way Adam says it. But mostly tired. Exhausted, as if he were an old man who has already seen the burden of the world, who has carried it on his shoulders until he had to give in under its weight.  
  
Shiro knows the feeling.  
  
And Shiro decides to carry the burden of the world for the both of them. To shoulder this weight like Atlas in the ancient myths, to make sure neither of them feels like dropping down to their knees from sadness and exhaustion and anger ever again.  
  
"Hey," Shiro says quietly as the thought comes to his mind, a sudden inspiration. He waits until Adam slowly raises his head to look him in the eye (they wordlessly decide to both pretend that there are no tears on Adam's cheeks, pretend there are no dark shadows under his eyes, carved deeply into his skin, marks left by accusations and self-doubt). "Hey ... wanna see what Black looks like on the inside?"  
  
It takes a moment, maybe two. They are still so deep in their embrace that Shiro imagines being able to feel Adam's heartbeat - but maybe it's just his own. Then the shadows on Adam's face clear up a bit and he smiles at him, and again he suddenly seems to be so much younger.  
  
"And here I thought you'd never ask."  
  
Slowly they separate, but stay close, making sure that their fingertips are always touching as they slowly approach Black.  
  
And finally, Adam has the courage to reach for Shiro's hand.  
  
Without hesitation, Shiro interlaces their fingers.  
  
Now, in this very moment, everything is all right again.  
  
Now, it almost feels like all those years ago, when they were nothing more but stupid teenagers sharing a love for the skies and the stars above.  
  
Now, they might even be able to be two stupid adults again, two adults sharing their love for each other.  
  
Now, they may even manage to be happy again.


End file.
